Dean Obeidallah did a stand-up bit about his Palestinian father attending mass and then participating in communion. When asked his impressions, he says it “needs more salt.” What’s my point? Well, maybe I’m just turning into an old Middle Eastern man because, like Obeidallah’s dad, I think the food here could use…more salt.

I recognize my sentiments could change as I explore a little more and sort out the joints where sodium is a fixture in the cooking. But here’s the thing, even in the places you’d expect to respect the sodium requirement of a cultural-casserole-esque palette, I’ve been let down. The Mexican joint we’ve found that is quite good—the stuff still needs salt. The canteen at my wife’s job that manages to do a bang-up job for cafeteria food—still needs salt. The fancy sit-down place at the mall near us—still needs salt. The Michelin-rated dumplings place around the corner—still needs salt.

No, no, I’m not asking for Salt Bae to waltz out and let those beautiful flakes of taste enhancers bounce off his forearm and into our food. My wife wouldn’t stand for that violation of sanitary food practices. But maybe, and hear me out, it would do to have a salt shaker or two for folks who need something extra to tickle my tongue as I consume my required daily sustenance.

Or I could just shut the fuck up and be happy I’m in Beijing getting to see a place I’d never thought I’d see. That’s probably the better idea. Because, yeah, my Kentucky-Iranian hybrid, farm-raised, southern-accent-having, nouveau urbanite intellectual self ain’t changing the cuisine of a three thousand-plus-year-old civilization. Who do I think I am?

The point of all this is that it’s worth noting as an initial observation—something to keep tabs on as we explore more. And someone did suggest I walk around with a baggy of salt, but I’ve poo-pooed that for what should be obvious reasons (see pic above).